I was recently walking the beach with a friend who was again lamenting that she had no love/life partner. She is beautiful, smart, has a sparkling personality, and is always surrounded by interested prospects. I replied, "You have to be open and available." She looked as if she had been hit by lightning, and said, "I always think about wanting a relationship, but I really have built a wall around myself, haven't I?" I had to agree. This moment of truth initiated the process for her to find and create lasting love.
            Another friend recounted numerous relationships with women who were suddenly not available, either through fears, insecurities, busy lifestyles, addictions, or interference from old boyfriends. The end result was always the same; hurt and confusion. He was able to release these patterns and emotions and form a healthy partnership.
           If you want to attract a life-enhancing relationship, begin by deciding to consciously change your life patterns. Here are some suggestions:

1. Increase your capacity for sharing love by breathing in and affirming, "I open my heart fully to give and receive love." Visualize yourself in the center of a web of loving people, with a soft warm light flowing in from others, and out to them.

2. Make a list of the attitudes and behaviors you would like to receive from others and realize that it is only when you can meet your own needs well that you will appear less needy to others. If you wrote, 'I want someone to respect my feelings', notice how often you haven not honored or acted on your own desires, and begin to do it immediately. Journal your feelings; talk lovingly to that inner voice and acknowledge when it's sad, fearful, or even happy.

3. Change your negative thoughts and expectations to positive ones. Instead of thinking, 'I always attract partners who aren't there for me', make a positive affirmation, like: 'I am open and receptive to lasting love and intimacy', or 'My partner and I are committed and present to one another'.

4. Surround yourself with images of love fulfilled; photographs, paintings, sculptures. The strongest message to your subconscious is an image that comes from you. Make a collage with words and magazine pictures.

5. Make your physical space welcoming to someone else by clearing out useless items, rearranging furniture, adding welcoming art, and collecting pairs (of mugs or pillows, for example).

6. Make a list of previous romantic break-ups or other losses, and honestly acknowledge to yourself if you haven't allowed yourself to grieve them, or are avoiding relationships from fear of loss. Take time to journal, talk about it with others, or cry; do whatever it takes to clear out old emotions that hold you back.

7. Quickly confront others who use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. These relationships are toxic, affect your self-esteem, and invite other disaffirming people into your life. Walk away from any negative relationship without lengthy or emotional explanations.

8. Journal and review patterns from previous relationships and acknowledge what you did to create that pattern. Also notice if parents or others either acted that way with one another, treated you that way, or left you experiencing similar emotions. Commit to yourself that you are creating a new pattern and visualize yourself behaving differently in your future partnerships.

9. Make a list of events and statements that may have planted seeds of low-self esteem. Explore resulting beliefs about yourself, partners, and life. Make a list of new core beliefs. If your parents were working or drinking, and you learned to believe you were unworthy of love, begin to affirm, "I am loving and lovable; I deserve love."

10. Affirm what is powerful and beautiful about your self daily. Are you adventurous? Intuitive? These are the attributes that are attracting your mate!

11. Let go of your list of attributes in the ideal mate. This might limit your possibilities. Instead, meditate on how you will feel with them; connected, respected, empowered.

12. Behave lovingly toward others.

13. Take the time to really get to know someone over a period of several months before you become intimate. Spending all your time with someone, or having sex right away, results in loss of perspective. It's worth taking the time to create lasting love. If they are 'the one', they will take it at your pace.

           To achieve any goal in life, you must take conscious action to eliminate obstacles, visualize and affirm what you do want, and behave as if you have already arrived at the destination.