I hear people identify themselves in so many ways—sometimes by what they have, most often by what they do, and some by their personality traits. The consequences of self-labeling are many. If we identify ourselves by what we have or do, and we lose what we have, go through a relationship break up, or get laid off from the job, and find ourselves in transition, we can lose our sense of who we are. So, not only is there disappointment around the loss, but additional anxiety around loss of a sense of self.
        If we identify ourselves by our personality traits, we reinforce them. Any time we say, “I am shy” or “I am a hard worker,” we reinforce that pattern and make it stronger. If we’re trying to become outgoing and more relaxed, the subconscious, the part of us that carries out our behaviors, will continue to do “shy” and “work hard,” because we have defined ourselves in that way.  In my work, I often find people defining themselves by their history, for example, “I was abused.” This also reinforces their story of who they are, and limits the freedom to move beyond history. I also see people who define themselves by who they were in past lives, using the karma of the past life to excuse or explain current problems. While this may be enlightening work, the real value of past life regression is processing with the therapist the actual release of beliefs and behaviors from that lifetime.
        The most important consequence of defining a self is that it creates separation. As soon as we say, “I am (fill in the blank), we have separated ourselves from others, resulting in loneliness and longing. Another result of self-definition is separation from Source, Oneness, God—creating even more pain.
        The best way to define the self is in relationship to Wholeness, which is just to know that “I AM.” Identify with the peace, love, abundance, joy, power, and wisdom of the essence that you have emerged from. My favorite quote about this is from a book called Love Without End, by Glenda Green: “Love is the essence of true beingness. Love is not something that you do or don’t do, give or don’t give, receive or don’t receive…Love is WHO you are.” I remind myself of this often throughout the day, and it makes a huge difference!
        With guidance, you can change your way of thinking, and therefore change the outcome in your life.

Maribeth Theisen, MSW, LCSW, CHt, is a licensed psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist with 27 years’ experience, including hypnotherapist instruction. She also offers EMDR (eye movement therapy), NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and shamanic Native American healing work. Call 269-2923